Thursday, August 26, 2010

i feel so tired

lately, life has been pretty much dull for me. I failed to make it any brighter. I feel like sangat2 penat. I do not have enough energy to keep up with daily stuffs that I have to do. I look sooo selekeh. I can't even cheer myself up and I hate myself for that. :(

how i wish i could get a proper sleep at night (as every other moms in the world would wish). but our most-one-year-old son is still waking up (way too many times) at night. If ikut cara orang2 barat, memang it is weird that kid at this age still bangun2 malam lagi. tapi maybe from where we come from its normal, though ramai jgk babies yg can sleep through out the night at early age. sangat lah lucky ibu2  itu. after almost 1 year of not getting proper sleep (baru 1 year, ok, long way to go), i got cranky, i got upset easily, i got really tired and sometimes i just feeling like giving up everything. and worst of all, i do not have anyone to talk to. or at least i feel so.

two weeks back, we went for 1st development checkup for imran. kat sini a bit different compare to our routine in m'sia where we just bring imran to see paed dia. masa tu la check his growth, masa tu jgk la amik vaccination and etc. tapi kat sini, vaccination is with nurse kat clinic, kalau sakit jumpe GP kat clinic, development growth pulak kat health center dgn i-dont-know-who-they-are (maybe child care specialist or whatevertheyareidontcare).

btw, at the health clinic, we discuss about imran's sleeping habit to the child specialist, dia pun give few advices. masa tu sangat bersemangat, malam tu jgk nak start, but after 2 nights I somehow gave in. tak terbuat. imran jenis yg tido, kejap2 bangun and every time bangun, kena kasik susu baru tido blk. minum susu sikit je, about 1 ounce, lepas tu sambung tido, lagi 40 mins or an hour bgn lg, minum sikit lagi. so every night its like, tido bgn tido bgn tido bgn. bengong dah kepala ni rasenye. hm, yeah, i used to be having 8hr a day. i love to sleep, betul. i also knew that having a child means that routine would stop, but i never imagine that i have to wake up every now and then for almost a year. its not that i don't love my son then i don't want to wake up for him at night. but, i think as a human being, i do need some rest so that i could take better care of him during the day. you might say, at least i dont have to go to work. i'd say, kalau aku kerja, i might have quit anyway, tak larat. :D

lately during the day pun aku dah too exhausted to play around all the time. sbb most of the time kepala aku just keep spinning and spinning and spinning. soooo not in the mood.

i supposed i just have to toughen up myself, get through these few years, hoping that i would survive it just as other mothers did. no point nagging around pun. i really have to practice what the lady at the health center asked me to. hope i'll have more strength and patients this time. most of all, i hope it will really works.

btw, last night i dream that imran dah pandai jalan ~ woohoo.. mimpi aje.. blm lagi pun. hehe.

I don't want to sleep, i want to play jeee... :D

3 comments:

Mrs Shyza said...

tak cukup tido mmg akan mendatangkan mcm2 prangai~pening,cpt marah,takde mood and so on...
bsabar okeh...imran tu nk jadi superman..sbb tu dia beza sket dr baby2 lain...suka bgn mlm2...penat mimpi jd penyelamat ibu :)

Umi said...

InsyaAllah, masa mama bpk datang lepas raya for 3 weks, Shu ambillah rest. Mama teramatlah faham situasi yg Shu hadapi. Mujur tak ada anak lain lagi. Bersabarlah, ya? Masa Zabid dulu, mama tak bagi dia tidor siang lagi. Memang penat sikit tapi malam dia tidor nyenyak sebab dah kepenatan.

shu said...

kuza: yeah, trying to melupekan kepenatan.

mama: :) hait!